Out and proud

Every persecuted minority needs an advocate, a figure head prepared to step out of the oppressed mass and fight the cause, challenge the status quo. Ours is Damien Lewis, and he champions the plight of the redhead. As my friend Daisy put it, he is the holy grail: a Fit Ginger, an anomaly so rare that he is made all the more special for it. We also have Prince Harry, and the beautiful Eddie Redmayne, not to mention Lily Cole, but none of these FGs portray a sturdy, burly, mysterious Marine in the brilliant Homeland, thereby exponentially increasing their fitness by a factor of 30.

The life of a redhead is a harsh and brutal one. I mean...I suppose it could be. I, personally, have never really been targeted. Once, during a French class at prep school, my classmates sniggered when I insisted my hair colour was "strawberry blonde" and not "rouge", but now my friends correct me whenever I attempt humorous self-deprecation and cynically refer to my orange hair (you probably have to be there) and that has been the extent of my teasing. Given the choice, I would have flowing blonde locks but I have never found the colour of my hair to be a particular hinderance. And whilst I'm shape-shifitng, I might also opt for some larger breasts and olive skin so I should probably just make the most of what I've got. I'm aware that I am one of the lucky ones: many Gingers have faced years of torment and discrimination, and this is why we need Damien. Have I also mentioned I fancy the hell out of Damien Lewis?

I feel much more self conscious for being a renal patient than for being ginger, but as a sub-sect, renal patients don't have an icon. The girl out of The Office had a kidney transplant, but she's not really famous or Lewis-y enough. I have to admit, whilst having a good-looking celebrity promoting kidney failure (acceptable alternatives would include Ryan Gosling, Daniel Craig, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams - oh, and David Tennant) would help me come to terms with having it myself, I doubt that most other sufferers care. I'm weird about my condition. I would find it helpful to be able to follow the admission, "I have kidney failure" with the words, "but so does David Beckham!". Clearly, I'm not wishing kidney failure upon pulchritudinous film stars, but Damien Lewis would be welcome at the dialysis unit any time.