A good friend of mine, let's call her Bertha, has recently signed up to a dating website. Bertha is one of the prettiest, funniest, smartest, kindest, most interesting people I know, so it is no surprise that she is generating a lot of interest from equally smart, funny and interesting men. Since The Chef and I broke up, I have merely kissed a grand total of one other man, and that was so long ago that I fear were the situation to arise again I'll have forgotten what to do and stick my tongue in his ear.
With all that has been going on recently, my love life has been the absolute last thing on my mind; I have had neither the energy nor inclination to pursue it. But now that things are a bit more settled and I am feeling happier, I have been thinking about Bertha and all the exciting dates she is going on and wondered whether I might not get in on some of that action too.
But, no, hang on...its that pesky kidney failure again; it is my experience that when you go on a blind date you are obliged to answer questions about yourself, and this is where I run into trouble, for it is difficult to give a full and frank description of my life without using words like "needles" and "hemaglobin" unless I am deliberately evasive or resort to balls-out lying. I really do not enjoy doing either, but nothing kills the mood quite like a ten minute exposition on the intricacies of dialysis and it is only a matter of time before my date is asking for the bill and promising he'll call, even though I know he never will. I would love to start dating again, just for the fun of it more than anything, but I feel that I would be so limiting for someone else that it is pointless. A quick glance at the profiles on My Single Friend reveals a clutch of handsome men who enjoy travelling and drinking and are looking for a like-minded female; technically, I do enjoy those things, I just can't really do them. Day trip to Southend and half a shandy anyone? I've more than come to terms with it myself, and my friends and family are fantastic at accommodating my restrictions - but a virile young man who is looking for adventure? I doubt I am going to make the cut.
Life, however, never fails to surprise me. On Saturday, I sort of...met someone. I had gone to a cafe to write and a guy, an attractive Irish one, sat down and we started chatting. His friends joined us, and two hours later we were all still bantering away and I had written just one, very poor, sentence. Now Derry and I (that's a pseudonym based on where he is from, I should say - if his name was Derry I wouldn't be writing about him) have been texting for the last three days and we are all going out for Mexican next week, dressed as Mexicans because we already have in-jokes about fancy dress. Unfortunately, the dilemma posed by my condition remains. The flirtatious pre-amble is fun, but he has already called me "enigmatic" twice and there is only so long I can skirt around the issue and give him vague answers. I am being unbelievably cagey, and I fear that I shall sabotage this - whatever "this" may or may not be - before it even begins. I have just got into a really good place after a few very rocky months, and protecting that happiness and stability has to take precedence over a guy. It sucks being single and sometimes lonely, but it is certainly easier.
With all that has been going on recently, my love life has been the absolute last thing on my mind; I have had neither the energy nor inclination to pursue it. But now that things are a bit more settled and I am feeling happier, I have been thinking about Bertha and all the exciting dates she is going on and wondered whether I might not get in on some of that action too.
But, no, hang on...its that pesky kidney failure again; it is my experience that when you go on a blind date you are obliged to answer questions about yourself, and this is where I run into trouble, for it is difficult to give a full and frank description of my life without using words like "needles" and "hemaglobin" unless I am deliberately evasive or resort to balls-out lying. I really do not enjoy doing either, but nothing kills the mood quite like a ten minute exposition on the intricacies of dialysis and it is only a matter of time before my date is asking for the bill and promising he'll call, even though I know he never will. I would love to start dating again, just for the fun of it more than anything, but I feel that I would be so limiting for someone else that it is pointless. A quick glance at the profiles on My Single Friend reveals a clutch of handsome men who enjoy travelling and drinking and are looking for a like-minded female; technically, I do enjoy those things, I just can't really do them. Day trip to Southend and half a shandy anyone? I've more than come to terms with it myself, and my friends and family are fantastic at accommodating my restrictions - but a virile young man who is looking for adventure? I doubt I am going to make the cut.
Life, however, never fails to surprise me. On Saturday, I sort of...met someone. I had gone to a cafe to write and a guy, an attractive Irish one, sat down and we started chatting. His friends joined us, and two hours later we were all still bantering away and I had written just one, very poor, sentence. Now Derry and I (that's a pseudonym based on where he is from, I should say - if his name was Derry I wouldn't be writing about him) have been texting for the last three days and we are all going out for Mexican next week, dressed as Mexicans because we already have in-jokes about fancy dress. Unfortunately, the dilemma posed by my condition remains. The flirtatious pre-amble is fun, but he has already called me "enigmatic" twice and there is only so long I can skirt around the issue and give him vague answers. I am being unbelievably cagey, and I fear that I shall sabotage this - whatever "this" may or may not be - before it even begins. I have just got into a really good place after a few very rocky months, and protecting that happiness and stability has to take precedence over a guy. It sucks being single and sometimes lonely, but it is certainly easier.
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