Skip to main content

The failure of kidney failure

Kidney "failure": there is a clue in there somewhere. From time to time, it feels like the failure of my renal organs has seeped into my bloodstream and slowly morphed me into a big, fat loser; after all, I couldn't even manage to keep my own body parts functioning. What an idiot. Whilst the majority of my friends are a good year into their careers - or at least fully qualified to pursue one - this dumb-ass disease means I haven't been able to keep a job for longer than a year and apparently my sixth-form "Socialite of the Year" award does not rank highly amongst the qualifications most employers look for - ditto Captain of the Cheerleading Squad.

My inability to maintain my own health means I am constantly trying to compensate in other ways. At the naissance of my teaching career, I decided I was not going to just be any old, run-of-the-mill teacher, no Sir; I was going to be Teacher of the Year! That was going to be me in an ill-fitting evening gown, receiving a perspex statuette from Myleene Klass on a smaltzy ITV special! I was not going to win because my talent in the classroom outstripped the abilities of my peers (indeed, my measly term's worth of experience turned out to be something of a baptism of fire) but because my determination to finally excel in something - anything - is so all-consuming and a punishing driving force.

I have spent a lot of time searching...ok, some time...fuck, alright, about half an hour searching for some meaning behind my illness. I am not a great believer in fate or in the nauseating everything-happens-for-a-reason philosophy that you can be persuaded of just by reading your mug in Starbucks. But I am an advocate of trying to take the positives out of negative situations, even if only to make the whole scenario a little less dire as you struggle to get through it. In my case, if I had not gotten ill again, I would never have had the rocket-up-the-backside I needed to get me to try and write properly, to write professionally. I am in an incredibly fortunate position in that my extremely generous father can support me financially through these few months before I go back to work. Whatever rubbish part-time labour I end up doing, with luck I shall be able to cover my rent and bills, but any money I spend on vodka and coke or copies of Heat magazine will be straight out of Papa's pocket until I have a transplant and go back to work full time, or my novel (obviously) tops the bestseller list.

Although my darling Dad is the facilitator, my kidney failure is the catalyst. It is not because life is too short or I have suddenly realised what is truly important; any dolt with half a brain cell and a social conscience can understand that the health and happiness of those you love outweighs most other concerns. It is because having lived my life in limbo for the last two years (and counting) has ignited in me a desire to really live. When Nelson Mandela walked out of prison, fist aloft, after nearly 26 years grueling years in captivity, I don't imagine he turned to Winnie and said, "You know what, Win? What I really fancy is a McDonalds". If a blind man gets his sight back, does he stand in the park with his eyes closed? Of course not; he takes in the glowing faces of his children, then goes to a strip club.

Similarly, this experience has made me want make something of myself. It has made me want to prove to my friends and family - especially my family - that I am not just good at having kidney failure. Ironically enough, I am not even especially adept at that. Whether I am talented enough to become a successful author remains to be seen. Success, as I deem it, however, is not being overly wealthy or writing best-selling novels. Success is being able to introduce myself as Rosy, as a writer and have no need to say anything else.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Postscript

You wouldn't believe where I am. You could guess, if you've seen the gratuitous images of my self-satisfied gurning face in front of an infinity pool on Facebook...otherwise you might find it hard to imagine the paradise in which I currently find myself. I am in Dubai. Bar Abby Clancey and the cast of TOWIE, is is not everyone's idea of paradise - it actually wasn't mine. It is exciting, exotic and fucking hot, but the skyscrapers and traffic, the desert and cultural  deficiency (not to mention the chavs that clutter up the Ritz Carlton these days, I mean honestly...) suggest you'd be hard-pushed to call it paradise. It is vaulted to utopian heights simply because, four-months after the transplant, I am here. My nearest and dearest suffered for seven years as I dreamily aired my wanderlust. Yet the reward of a post-transplant holiday seemed too extravagant a prize for which to yearn - wasn't a life free from dialysis enough? Wasn't having a drink when t...

The nights are closing in

The final step of my home dialysis journey (bleugh, journey...sounds like I'm on The X Factor) begins on the 22nd July when Nurse Carla will arrive with a sleeping bag and, presumably, some strong coffee, and sit on my sofa all night whilst I perform my first nocturnal session. It is the dialysis equivalent of hiring a wet nurse. During a regular daytime session, nothing should go wrong unless I have lined the machine carelessly with one eye on Only Connect and consequently forgotten to connect/un-clamp/tighten something pivotal. Dermot should behave, stay quiet and not do any of his ghastly alarm-yelping. At night, however, the chances of rolling over onto the tubes and occluding the blood flow, or the needles falling out and slowly bleeding to death, are much higher, what with all the concurrent sleeping I'll be doing; when this happens Dermot senses DANGER and screams at me. Undoubtedly, my first session with Carla will be seamless; I know from experience that it is only ...

The phone rings Part III: The Final Chapter

Two weeks ago today, I was in surgery receiving my new kidney. The hospital kicked me out in less than a week and over the last seven days I have divided my time between the transplant clinic and my sofa, with the occasional shuffle up to Sainsbury's to ensure the muscles in my legs don't atrophy. I've had the pleasure of a steady stream of visitors, all of whom have bought me yet more wonderful and totally unnecessary gifts – I have been royally spoilt and I am stupidly grateful to all of you. The kidney itself appears to be going great guns. I was initially attending clinic on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and was committed to doing so, but the hospital are so pleased with me they are happy to start seeing me just twice a week. The pivotal result they test for is my level of creatinine, a substance that occurs naturally in the body as a result of muscle break down. The kidney filters out creatinine through the urine, therefore if there is lots present in the blood it is...