I don't know how this has happened but somehow my birthday has arrived. I am 27 tomorrow. Not a traditional milestone, granted, but I shall be celebrating more than just my twenty seven years on this earth when the clock strikes midnight.
The last twelve months have been momentous. I was not in a good place this time last year; my 26th was noting more than an untimely reminder that I was still tethered to the hospital and with no end in sight. A month later, having been silently sending up prayers for a new kidney, my phone rang; for a few hours it seemed like the moment for which I had been so steadfastly waiting for three and a half years might finally have arrived. It wasn't to be, but I left the hospital in the early hours of that Friday morning more optimistic than I had felt in months.
Hope is a strange phenomena: you rely on it most when you feel it the least. After the exhilaration of the Transplant That Never Was came the despair of finding out my chances of ever getting a kidney from The List were practically zilch. Massive bummer. I went for coffee with my my poor mother and told her that if things had not changed six months hence, I would give up dialysis and, well, die soon there after. And I meant it.
But ta-da! Still here! Thankfully, things did change, and dramatically so. The start of this year heralded a change of address, a change of dialysis and a complete change of heart; it wasn't an entirely smooth journey to get here, and challenges still lay ahead. But tomorrow is not a day to be concerned with the challenges. Tomorrow is a day to give thanks for the almost indecent good fortune I have in my life and to look to the future. If my life has improved to this extent in this last twelve months, then I can only imagine what might happen in the next twelve: a nocturnal dialysis regime, a new job, finishing my Masters, finishing my book and generally just trying to be really, really happy....letting my family and friends know how much I love and value them, and trying to make an impact on this world in some small way.
That is all to come. Tomorrow I shall be handing in my essay, going to therapy and maybe getting drunk with Ellie - nothing too spectacular. Come Saturday, however, and I shall put to the test my new-found capacity to enjoy myself. Drinks in the garden, dancing in the club and friends all around me. Happiness. I can't wait.
The last twelve months have been momentous. I was not in a good place this time last year; my 26th was noting more than an untimely reminder that I was still tethered to the hospital and with no end in sight. A month later, having been silently sending up prayers for a new kidney, my phone rang; for a few hours it seemed like the moment for which I had been so steadfastly waiting for three and a half years might finally have arrived. It wasn't to be, but I left the hospital in the early hours of that Friday morning more optimistic than I had felt in months.
Hope is a strange phenomena: you rely on it most when you feel it the least. After the exhilaration of the Transplant That Never Was came the despair of finding out my chances of ever getting a kidney from The List were practically zilch. Massive bummer. I went for coffee with my my poor mother and told her that if things had not changed six months hence, I would give up dialysis and, well, die soon there after. And I meant it.
But ta-da! Still here! Thankfully, things did change, and dramatically so. The start of this year heralded a change of address, a change of dialysis and a complete change of heart; it wasn't an entirely smooth journey to get here, and challenges still lay ahead. But tomorrow is not a day to be concerned with the challenges. Tomorrow is a day to give thanks for the almost indecent good fortune I have in my life and to look to the future. If my life has improved to this extent in this last twelve months, then I can only imagine what might happen in the next twelve: a nocturnal dialysis regime, a new job, finishing my Masters, finishing my book and generally just trying to be really, really happy....letting my family and friends know how much I love and value them, and trying to make an impact on this world in some small way.
That is all to come. Tomorrow I shall be handing in my essay, going to therapy and maybe getting drunk with Ellie - nothing too spectacular. Come Saturday, however, and I shall put to the test my new-found capacity to enjoy myself. Drinks in the garden, dancing in the club and friends all around me. Happiness. I can't wait.
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